First line of Carrie
: "News item from Westover (Me.) weekly Enterprise, August 19, 1966: RAIN OF STONES REPORTED." (3)Not too spectacular a hook. This is because Carrie uses fictional documents, book excerpts, interviews, etc. to further the narrative. The device works pretty well, like Dracula, in adding a bit of realism. Another part of me resents the interuptions, and a more cynical part of me feels the device is there simply add to the word count, making a novel out of a a novella (since then, King has proven himself the master of the novella (i.e. Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption, The Body, and Secret Window, Secret Garden).
The next full paragraph contains what could have been a very serviceable first line: "Nobody was really surprised when it happened, not really, not at the subconscious level where savage things grow." A bit abstract, but I like the ominous feeling it dredges up.
Characterization: Mr. Morton (moron?), the assistant principal:"He tried to project the image of a lovable John Wayne figure while performing the disciplinary functions that were his main job as Assistant Principal, but did not succeed very well. The administration (usually represented at Jay Cee suppers, P.T.A. functions, and American Legion award ceremonies by Principal Henry Grayle) usually termed him "lovable Mort." The student body was more apt to term him "that crazy ass-jibber from the office." (17-8) This succeeds because it starts with a cultural reference the reader should recognize (while getting us into Morton's mind about himself). Then it shows how his vision of himself conflicts with his superiors and further how that conflicts with the students. It sucks being the middleman.
Exercise: Examine the first line of your story. Does it have a "hook" and encapsulate the meaning (or at least the tone) of the entire work?
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